i feel like i have a lot to talk about. i do, kind of, but maybe not blog worthy. this has been an eventful week. sad, happy, a little of everything. when it comes down to it, those are the best kinds of weeks. not that the events occurring during that week are necessarily ones that you'd want to experience again, but those days - they do something to you. the good ones make ya feel good. the bad ones make ya feel bad. but you feel something. and that's more than you could say for some people. it reminds you that we are people, for better or worse. it reminds you that things happen. things that may remind you to take a look at your own life. and for some people, myself included, these glimpses are helpful. and very important.
we all got a gut check, this past week, with the passing of heath ledger. i have to say, during the SAG awards, when they do the "in memorium" part - it really is creepy to see him amongst the other great actors, most of which were well into the prime of their life, if not way past. the all lived their lives, shared their time with families, and had successful careers. heath was robbed of that. and yes, i say robbed. i don't mean that in a negative way. when it's your time, it's your time. i'm a believer of that. it may be hard to understand, especially when someone so young passes. trust me, this i know. but you know what? you can't stop it. you can't stop that train. you just need to enjoy the ride. and it sounds cliche, but sit down and think about it. just imagine it all like a train. it isn't about the destination, because you'll get there (whereever it may be) eventually. you're going somewhere, it's inevitable. it's how you get there, and what you do on the way there. that's what is important. with everything that has been said over the last week, both good and the bad, let's just remember that no matter what the circumstances, this guy was someone's son. someone's brother. someone's dad. he was someone to many people. and we all lost a great flame in this fire of life. my thoughts and prayers are with his family, and with that beautiful little girl who will hopefully come to know her father in the most positive light.
there are moments in life where you know your life will never be the same. this can be in a good way or in a bad. it can mean something positive or something not. sometimes when you're in the moment, you don't know it. you don't realize it was life-changing until afterwards. and that's ok. sometimes it takes time for things to simmer. but then there are the moments when you are in them - and you step outside of yourself for a moment, and just know...you just know that you won't be the same.
i'd say the beginning of this moment, which has spanned a couple of weeks for me, began with a phone call. one that wasn't positive in nature really. it brought a new group of people into our lives. people we had never met before, but were considered family of family - and family is family in my eyes. whether or not you've met them. it was a girls night in. aggie and i hosted jenna and her mother, tina for dinner. megan and jo-jo were here too. we had a big dinner, we had big laughs. and i knew. i knew that i wasn't going to the be the same. their reason for coming to new york was for a chance. a chance at life, when it comes down to it. jenna was diagnosed with cancer not too long before then. she had a tumor on the back of her left eye, and she flew in with her mom from colorado, to have surgery. she was at the house a few days before the first surgery. i just kept looking at this girl, who is only 21 years old, a blushing bride to be and full of witty jokes (like me!). you would never be able to tell anything was wrong. when i was 21, i surely wasn't worrying about planning a wedding. and i surely wasn't fighting cancer. but jenna was doing both of these things, and for one night in clifton, new jersey, that didn't matter. what did matter is her love of the fray. and telling me funny stories about her sister. and the incident which left megan hating me for the rest of the night, but which gathered the most laughs all night. and then as soon as she came, they left. i drove them back into the city. along with a celine dion cd, and a bag full of DVDs for her to watch while she was recovering. and that was it. the drive back from nyc to the house was a quiet one. i didn't listen to music. i just thought. i thought about what i would do in that situation - which is stupid, because i couldn't imagine. i couldn't imagine for a second. i thought about how this girl is younger than me, had no symptoms whatosever, and just happened to go get an eye exam before her insurance wrapped up for the end of the year, and she came out with a diagnosis for cancer.
i kept in touch with jenna with texts. sending her all the prayers and well wishes. i told my friends about my weekend. how i couldn't stop thinking about it, about how amazingly strong this girl is. it really affected me, and i couldn't understand why. aggie talked about it. she told her friends. they prayed. they sent their love. i started work on a tremendous mix cd project. i had 10 cds going at one point. then i narrowed down, thinking i didn't want her to think i was crazy. :) she let me know when the surgery was over. that she was sore and tired, but doing well. it was a sense of relief. you never know. any surgery is a scary thing. she will certainly lose vision in her left eye, but she kept it. that was her goal - to keep her eye. can you imagine?! it broke my heart, for good reason and bad, when i heard her say that. i am a very lucky person. we all are.
and then it happened. wednesday night. i get a text from jenna - saying the cancer is gone. i remember exactly where i was standing when i read it. just around the corner from work. and i yelled. i yelled out loud - a relieving YES! it was a moment that i cannot explain. this person, whom i hadn't even known 2 and some odd weeks before, had literally changed my life. she is a miracle, and i was a witness. i was a witness to something i had never had the opportunity to see before, first-hand. i feel so blessed. i'm so incredibly happy for her and her family. we all went out to dinner saturday night, and i couldn't stop smiling. and she couldn't stop smiling. we all had permanent smiles on our faces. she fought cancer and won.
if that isn't motivation for me to get my ass in gear, then i don't know what is.
it's time for me to grow up. it's time for me to not take things for granted. time to let the people who you love know you love them. it doesn't hurt to say it once in a while. cherish every moment. and appreciate the little things in life. appreciate that sunset when you're driving home. or that snowfall.
jenna. whether you know it or not, you are an inspiration and a miracle. i thank you for reminding me what is important and to never take that for granted. thank you for opening my eyes.
much love,
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