in memory...

always the first ones to arrive to the family reunions, and the last ones to leave. complete with dunkin donuts, coffee, and a jug of the peach tea that my dad so loves. aunt catherine and uncle artie. the names go together. like water and wine. it's going to be hard to not say them together. uncle artie will hold down the fort from now on. and we all have some big shoes to fill.

my grandparents on my mom's side both passed before i was born. and my grandmother on my dad's side too. i knew my grandfather, but not really that well. my dad's side of the family - we aren't close with them at all really. but my mom's side, that's a different story. my mom's mom was one of 9 children - aunt catherine being one of those siblings. i was blessed with many "great aunts and uncles" who, although i didn't see them all the time, were just like grandparents to me anyways. stretching all over the country, from texas to new york. i remember the summer in texas, when we went to see aunt sally and uncle rosie. i was a huge nolan ryan fan at the time, and they took us to a texas rangers game. (of course nolan was on the disabled list, go figure) but i bought this oversized nolan ryan tshirt (which i still own) and i wore that thing out. we went on a safari and rode an elephant. and we swam in the kidney shaped pool in their backyard. uncle rosie passed a little while ago. i remember him in pieces. he was ornery as ever, and he was a big kid, that's for sure. and his cheeks were rosie. :) and aunt sally passed 2 years ago. we flew to texas for that, and a lot of the family was there. it was hard, saying goodbye. and that brings us to aggie. most of you know her, as she's the coolest thing in my life (and maybe even in yours too, she's THAT cool). her husband was donald - one of the siblings, and in fact, i think he was the youngest. he passed away about 6 years ago. i remember, because it was shortly after rhiannon passed. that was a rough few months for me. i really remember uncle donald, b/c he too was ornery. my favorite memory would be when we would walk behind him as he was sitting down and he'd pinch the back of our legs somehow, without ever moving. it was always one of those cases where you turn around and you're like "where did that come from?" he was a big man, standing close to (if not taller than) 6 foot. and he could be stern. but he was a big teddy bear. and aggie loved him so much.

because of the 9 siblings, there are tons of cousins/aunts/uncles/etc. and most of them are in the new york area, so that's wonderful. but no matter what we did - family reunions, weddings, etc. - aunt catherine was the matriarch. she was the oldest of the 9 flood siblings, and she became the head of the family when her parents passed. i have seen so many pictures of her with her younger siblings, raising them as if they were her own. she was never married or had her own children, but she had plenty of "children." growing up, i wouldn't get to see aunt catherine too too much, unless we came to new york for something, but everytime i saw her, she made sure to sit down with me and see how things were. i often wondered how she kept all the info for all of these people - she knew everything. she was very on top of things.

she lived in flushing queens. it was the house that they all grew up in. she raised her siblings and sent them off into the world. i remember the drives there when we were young - getting stuck on the cross bronx in traffic. the drives across the george washington bridge. and of course, the steep stairs. and the kitchen. and the garden, and the front stoop. there were so many memories in that house. the attic was so hot all the time, and you literally had to scale the steps like a mountain. my sister and i would climb up and down them so much.

over the last year and a half or so, maybe two years, her health had gotten worse. it wasn't horrible at first, but you could see that her mind was starting to go a little. within this last year, it got bad, physically and mentally. aggie and i went to see her a few times while she was in the rehabilitation center. it seems like things would get really bad, and then she'd make a turn and recover, get out of the hospital and back to rehab. this happened a few times. we were commenting on her 9+ lives. visiting her was hard in a way, b/c she wasn't the normal aunt catherine, but in ways, she was. and it would tug at your heartstrings, as she talked to you as if you were one of her siblings, all of which had passed by this time. she would call me my grandmother sometimes, and ask me to give her the change from the store. it's bittersweet to hear that kind of stuff, because you truly wonder if they can see them. if they, at that stage in their mental capacity, can have some sort of spiritual contact with the ones who have passed. i have hope for it, i absolutely do. i have faith that in those moments, people aren't necessarily crazy, but maybe a little enlightened. and who are we to tell them otherwise?

one visit to the rehab - it was probably my favorite memory of aunt catherine to date. there is a little "tv communal" area where the patients will hang out and watch tv. most of the time they sleep or just kind of sit there. so aggie and i went to visit her, and she was already in this area, so we pulled up chairs and would chat with her. meanwhile, there is a woman in a little bed type piece of furniture next to her, who - every few minutes or so - would wake up, open her eyes and make this AWFUL noise. her mouth would flap open and shut, and she sounded like a goblin. it was the creepiest thing ever (i tell this story best in person), but i felt really bad for her. and then she would shut her eyes and drift away for a few until the next spooking. so aunt catherine as telling us something, and this lady did her thing, and aunt catherine just looked over at her, and looked back at us. she looked back a the woman and she was like "hey, cut that out!" the lady just went on, not knowing what she was doing. so we giggled. moving on, the same thing happens. catty peeks over at this woman and looks back at us. then she leans into us and she goes "can't they shove her in a closet somewhere?!" aggie and i lost it. we laughed for like 10 minutes straight. and so did aunt catherine. she giggled. but it was so funny. i can't even tell you via this here blog. it was moments like that, where the old catty poked through. one of the many reasons to love a phenomenal woman.

aunt catherine passed away on wednesday, november 28th. i was in the city that night. my mom called me at work to see if everything was ok, because she had a voicemail on her phone, but couldn't check it. so i called aggie. and she told me. in some ways it was expected, but in some ways not. she had turned for the better recently. after teetering on the edge in the hospital, with congestive heart failure and things like that. she had gotten better. i wanted to run home, but i couldn't. then i had to call my mom to tell her. can i just tell you that it was the hardest thing i've ever done. i think she knew, or had it in the back of her mind when she initially called me. but it was hard.

the funeral and the services were great. for as much as i thought i knew about aunt catherine and how wonderful of a person she was, i learned so much more. i learned about her faith, her dedication to the church. i learned about how much she meant to each one of us, so much more than i could have imagined. and i learned that she tied this family together, and how it's our job to keep that tie, if for no other reason than to do it for her. but she is with her family. her parents, her siblings, her friends. and we couldn't be happier for her. she lived 90+ years on this earth. she saw so many things, experienced the joys and sorrows of life. and in the end, she went home. we couldn't ask for more.

we miss you, and we love you aunt catherine.
you will forever be in our hearts.

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